“Online predators are willing to spend however long it takes to entice your child to comply with [...]]]> The National Center for Missing and Exploited Children along with NetSmartz has provided the following information about compliant victimization.  Watch this video to learn how offenders manipulate and “groom” children and how to protect your child from victimization: http://www.netsmartz.org/safety/videos/dr-victimization.htm

“Online predators are willing to spend however long it takes to entice your child to comply with their wishes and possibly even leave your home to meet with them in person. Many predators use the guise of understanding and romance to entice your child into what may result in a kidnapping or abduction, a sexual assault, pornography production of a minor, or even worse.”  Dr. Sharon Cooper

* Online offenders are manipulative, cunning, and very patient con artists. They understand the wants and needs of teens such as attention, affection, and companionship. They “groom” your child to trust and believe in them.
* Online grooming entails gifts, such as cell phones with cameras, webcams, money, mp3 players, trips, or anything that teens may want but can’t afford. Many of these gifts and devices are for the purpose of encouraging teens to take, produce, and transmit sexually explicit images of themselves.
* Research has revealed that the outcome of an offline meeting will almost always be a sexual encounter.
* Adults have a different knowledge and powerbase than children. The law states clearly that minors are incapable of consenting to sexual contact. Therefore, no matter how complacent the minor appears regarding the sexual contact, consent of the minor is no defense for sexual contact with the adult. It is always illegal to have sexual contact with a minor.

I know we all get sick of talking about this.  On-line dangers pose one more threat to our children.  It’s just one more thing that we have to be vigilant about.  But – it’s so worth it!

The Internet is a world all of it’s own.  We wouldn’t think of sending our kids out the door to a bad part of town or to an X-Rated movie – but this is what they can encounter in seconds on the Internet.  It used to be that the home was a protected place – a sanctuary from the world.  Not anymore.  We can get and do get the most vile things the world has to offer running through the cables, funneled directly into our homes.

So what can we do?  I think we need to communicate – and we need communicate often.  Our kids are constantly hearing the “world’s” voice – now we need to speak up and be heard too.  Our kids need to know where we stand.  They need to know boundaries.  They need to know what is acceptable and unacceptable behaviors.  They also need to know that we love them and that they can come to us anytime with any concern.  Open communication is the key!  Good luck.

-Jenny

* A stranger may quickly approach the victim. This element of surprise does not allow the child to think about what is happening and get away. * A stranger may pose as an [...]]]> A child predator employs many tricks and lures to steal away your child. The following are a few examples of the most common.

* A stranger may quickly approach the victim. This element of surprise does not allow the child to think about what is happening and get away.
* A stranger may pose as an authority figure (police, fireman, security) and ask the child to leave with them.
* A stranger may try to bribe the child with money, candy, toys, cute pets, etc.
* A stranger may tell the child there is a crisis such as family illness and say a parent told them to pick the child up.
* A stranger may approach with compliments to appeal to the child’s ego.
* A stranger may approach with false caring, promise or knowing child’s name if noted on the child’s possessions (shirt, backpack, toy).
* A stranger may suggest playing games.
* A stranger may ask for help, such as directions or help to find a lost pet.
* A stranger may fake an injury requesting help.
* Children often idolize adults, allowing false trust. Strangers prey on this false trust. It’s okay to tell children not to trust an adult. Trust needs to be earned, not given freely.
* A stranger may try to lure a child by asking the child to do work for the stranger.
* Important clip to watch with your child:

Stranger abductions are quite rare. In fact, statistics show that it’s more likely your child could be kidnapped by a family member or someone they know. However, it is important to talk to your child about abductions. You don’t need to scare them, just empower them.

Most of us parents think that our child would not walk off willingly with a stranger. Please watch the above listed clip from Oprah – you might be surprised.

I remember hearing about a child that was grabbed on his way home from school. A car pulled up and the driver got out and walked around to grab the child. The boy was riding his bike. The boy was very smart – he refused to let go of the bike. The stranger could not maneuver getting the boy and the bike in the car. It became such as struggle – that the stranger gave up. Wow! If we could only teach all of our kids to be quick thinking like that. That is why I feel like we need to practice, practice, practice! Put your child in different scenarios. Talk to them about what they should do or what they could do to obtain help or draw attention to themselves.

-Jenny

* Watch what you [...]]]> Healthy self-esteem is a child’s shield against the challenges of the world. Kids who feel good about themselves seem to have an easier time handling conflicts and resisting negative pressures. Parents play a big role in the development of their child’s self-esteem. This is how you can make a difference:

* Watch what you say. Kids are very sensitive to parents’ words. Remember to praise your child not only for a job well done, but also for effort. But be truthful. For example, if your child doesn’t make the soccer team, avoid saying something like, “Well, next time you’ll work harder and make it.” Instead, try “Well, you didn’t make the team, but I’m really proud of the effort you put into it.” Reward effort and completion instead of outcome.
* Be a positive role model. If you’re excessively harsh on yourself, pessimistic, or unrealistic about your abilities and limitations, your child may eventually mirror you. Nurture your own self-esteem, and your child will have a great role model.
* Identify and redirect your child’s inaccurate beliefs. It’s important for parents to identify kids’ irrational beliefs about themselves, whether they’re about perfection, attractiveness, ability, or anything else. Helping kids set more accurate standards and be more realistic in evaluating themselves will help them have a healthy self-concept. Inaccurate perceptions of self can take root and become reality to kids. For example, a child who does very well in school but struggles with math may say, “I can’t do math. I’m a bad student.” Not only is this a false generalization, it’s also a belief that will set the child up for failure. Encourage kids to see a situation in its true light. A helpful response might be: “You are a good student. You do great in school. Math is just a subject that you need to spend more time on. We’ll work on it together.”
* Be spontaneous and affectionate. Your love will go a long way to boost your child’s self-esteem. Give hugs and tell kids you’re proud of them. Pop a note in your child’s lunchbox that reads, “I think you’re terrific!” Give praise frequently and honestly, without overdoing it. Kids can tell whether something comes from the heart.
* Give positive, accurate feedback. Comments like “You always work yourself up into such a frenzy!” will make kids feel like they have no control over their outbursts. A better statement is, “You were really mad at your brother. But I appreciate that you didn’t yell at him or hit him.” This acknowledges a child’s feelings, rewards the choice made, and encourages the child to make the right choice again next time.
* Create a safe, loving home environment. Kids who don’t feel safe or are abused at home will suffer immensely from low self-esteem. A child who is exposed to parents who fight and argue repeatedly may become depressed and withdrawn. Also watch for signs of abuse by others, problems in school, trouble with peers, and other factors that may affect kids’ self-esteem. Deal with these issues sensitively but swiftly. And always remember to respect your kids.
* Help kids become involved in constructive experiences. Activities that encourage cooperation rather than competition are especially helpful in fostering self-esteem. For example, mentoring programs in which an older child helps a younger one learn to read can do wonders for both kids.

-Jenny